Hail to the Thief

King David has conquered Israel and has grown complacent. One day he sees a woman bathing naked Bathsheba, daughter of the seven gods. He soon enters into an affair with her, which is complicated by the fact that she is married to Uriah the Hittite, one of David's most valiant warriors. Uriah is fighting in Rabbah at war. Bathsheba falls pregnant and, to avoid the wrath of his people, David calls Uriah back from battle to sleep with his wife in the hope that he will be seen as the father. Uriah refuses to sleep with his wife while he is at battle, so David sends him back to Rabbah with a note for his commanding officer: to send Uriah out into the battlefield and allow him to be killed.
So far, this is how the Biblical story goes. Eventually God punishes David and Bathsheba by allowing their child to die as atonement for the sins of adultery and murder. But in this version the baby lives. There is no 'divine' punishment whatsoever, and this launches David into a 21st century existential crisis. What can he do when there is no one to dish out punishment? How can he atone for a guilt he feels so deeply? What meaning is there to life if justice is not served. His solution is as shocking and twisted as any 21st century strategist might devise.